


I Am Lost (I Am Found)

by EternallyEC



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Protective Bellamy, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 10:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10897383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternallyEC/pseuds/EternallyEC
Summary: Clarke Griffin has no idea why the universe hates her so much or how she's supposed to find her soulmate with just an initial to go on... and then she meets Bellamy Blake. But he never shows his mark and how the hell are they supposed to do this?Based on the prompt: "Because the universe is sadistic af, it only gave you the first letter of your soulmate's name."





	I Am Lost (I Am Found)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Credit: http://silentpeaches.tumblr.com/post/125291322610/soulmate-au-story-ideas
> 
> Dedication: I'm going to start sounding like a broken record but I wanted to dedicate this to my best friend. Writing with her has really made me step up my game and improve my skills and her words in response to this are the main reason I'm taking the leap and posting it. <3 You're epic, Cassandra!
> 
> The title comes from Les Miserables' "A Heart Full of Love" because I am horrible at naming things so I went on a musical listening spree and it was the one that seemed to fit the most.

_~Clarke~_

“Ow!” Clarke exclaimed, clutching her wrist as a burning sensation shot across it. “That hurt,” she whined, glancing at it and doing a double take as her jaw dropped.

It was a normal Friday night for the fifteen-year old, doing homework with her genius of a best friend before they started their weekend. They were sprawled across Clarke's bed, books and notebooks open before them going unnoticed as the girls had started gossiping. The last thing she'd expected was for her entire world to change on such an ordinary night, but as she stared in shock at the single initial etched into the skin of her wrist, she realized that was exactly what had happened.

“What's up?” Raven asked curiously, leaning over to see what she was staring at and gasping. “Holy shit, Griff.”

“But why is it just an initial?” she asked, still dazed but definitely confused. Soulmate marks were supposed to be names; sure it wasn't that much less confusing but she was already bisexual, how was she supposed to figure out if her soulmate was a guy or a girl with only the letter 'B' to go on? “Does the universe hate me or what?” she groaned, flopping back onto her pillow with a frown.

“I've never heard of that happening,' Raven agreed with a frown, already on her smartphone googling the question if the sound of her fingers tapping quickly against the screen was any indication. Clarke gave silent thanks for her in that moment, desperate for answers as she was. “Huh. Says here that the initial thing is really rare, it indicates a 'strong connection that isn't likely to be missed' when you meet and it also means that your soulmate has a rare or unusual name. The good thing is the initial is usually only one way so they'll have your full name on their wrist.”

Clarke's frown turned into a smile at the information, particularly 'a strong connection that isn't likely to be missed'. “That doesn't sound too bad,” she admitted with a giggle, sitting back up and throwing her arms around Raven. “Thanks, Raven. Guess this means you're out of the running though, sucks to be you,” she winked, dissolving into laughter as Raven shoved her away and hit her with a pillow. They'd had one night together the previous year and quickly decided they were better as friends, but Clarke still loved to tease her about it at every opportunity.

“Think I'll ever get mine?” she asked with a pessimistic smirk. “Never mind, don't answer that. So who do you think mystery B could be? Wonder if you've met him,... or her” she grinned.

Clarke raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips, thinking back. “Good question. But if I'm supposed to know as soon as I meet them, wouldn't I have figured it out?” she asked with a frown. “Ugh, this is so confusing. Let's just get back to studying.”

**~ _One Year Later ~_**

  _~Bellamy~_

 Bellamy Blake adjusted his bag over his shoulder to better grip Octavia's hand as she struggled to jerk it back. “Stop it, O,” he said, stern yet gentle enough that she sighed and obeyed. “I know you don't want to be here any more than I do, but we don't have a choice,” he shook his head.

One year ago, he'd been in the hospital with his ten year old sister, holding her tightly while they watched their mother die when he'd nearly dropped her thanks to the burning on his wrist. He knew what had happened as soon as it faded and he felt a sick twisting in his gut, hating that it'd chosen that moment to come. In the year that had passed, he'd come to acknowledge almost as a sign of hope but he worried that he'd never be able to look at it or his soulmate without going back to that room and hearing his mother's raspy breathing or feeling how desperately Octavia's small arms had clutched at him while she was soaking his shirt with tears.

Shaking off the memories, he sighed as they arrived at the modest house. He was barely nineteen but had so far managed to keep custody of his little sister thanks to a lot of hard work and dedication. But Aurora's life insurance hadn't gone far enough and soon the bills were piling up and he knew that he had to do something before social services stepped in.

That was when he'd gone online looking for help and been directed to a family who were looking for a tutor for their sixteen year old daughter. It didn't pay all that much but came with a small guesthouse and all bills paid. All he'd be responsible for were groceries and in the end it had been too good to resist.

They'd been skeptical at first given his age and the fact that he had custody of his younger sister, but Bellamy had spoken to the father and used all of his knowledge and charm to convince him to give him a chance. And now here they were, Octavia sullenly clutching a small suitcase and Bellamy with just one backpack and another suitcase; all that they'd brought from their old life thanks to the limited space of the tiny guesthouse.

Finding the address he'd been given proved surprisingly easy, and he raised an eyebrow as he gazed at the modest looking house. He didn't know why he was surprised; maybe it was the fact that he thought of people who hired tutors and had guesthouses as being filthy rich and unafraid to flaunt it. For whatever reason though, he was surprised and a little relieved too. He'd been afraid of sticking out like a sore thumb and getting kicked out as soon as they showed up.

“It's pretty,” Octavia observed, showing a flicker of interest as she eyed it. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

Bellamy smiled and ruffled her hair with a free hand before he knocked on the door. An older man with a kind face and a huge smile answered. “You must be Bellamy and Octavia,” he smiled, holding out a hand for Octavia which she shook politely, much to her brother's relief. “I'm Jake Griffin. Please call me Jake.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. Thank you so much for giving me this chance,” he said, shaking Jake's hand firmly.

“Just don't prove me wrong,” he teased with just the slightest edge of a warning, and Bellamy shook his head with a chuckle. “Come on in, I'll show you to your new digs and then I'll explain what it is we need you for exactly.”

Following Jake through the house and into the backyard, Bellamy smiled as he watched Octavia gaze around the guesthouse with interest despite her best efforts to remain disinterested. He listened as Jake explained the house rules and how his wife would prefer they use the back gate to come and go rather than go through the house every time, something Bellamy noted he'd prefer too much to Jake's amusement.

After that, Bellamy left Octavia to explore and settle in as he went with Jake to his office. “I'm sure you're wondering why you're needed. Clarke,” and this is when an uncomfortable sensation went through Bellamy and it took all his focus to remain seated, “She's a special girl and she's very bright. But I've been having a lot of health issues and she's refused to miss a hospital visit. I'm afraid it's putting her behind in her work and I just need someone to make sure she's keeping up with her make-up work and helping her with anything she might have questions with. To be honest, I'm almost glad you're so young because she's not going to be happy about this,” he laughed. “It might help ease her into it.”  
  
“So Clarke doesn't know I'm here?” he questioned, unconsciously tugging on the sleeve hiding the name on his wrist.

“No, I'm a coward,” he laughed. “She's a sweet girl, I'm sure she'll be on her best behavior but if I'd told her before, it would've been a different story.”

Nodding, Bellamy even managed a chuckle. “I can definitely do that, Mr. Griffin.”  
  
“Jake, please,” he reminded him.

“Jake. You won't regret this, I promise,” he assured him, inwardly wondering if he could live up to those words. “I did have one question though. What are your feelings on Clarke hanging out with us if she decides she wants to? I'm only asking because my sister hasn't really had a girl around since our mom died and I think it might be good for her.”  
  
Eyeing him carefully, Jake shrugged. “I certainly have no problem with it as long as you behave yourself. I won't have anything happening between you and my daughter while you're under my roof however, is that clear?”

Blanching, Bellamy hurried to nod. “Of course, sir. I'd never disrespect you in that way.”  
  
“Good. I just wanted to be clear,” he smiled, turning to the door as he heard the front door open and close. “That'll be Clarke. You ready for this?” he chuckled. Without waiting for an answer, he led the way out of the office. “Clarke, honey? I have someone I want you to meet.”  
  
Clarke came out of the kitchen with a banana in her hand, and Bellamy felt his breath catch in his throat as he gazed at her. The sunlight made her golden hair sparkle and her cheeks were flushed and he couldn't help but think she was the most effortlessly beautiful girl he'd ever seen as she leaned against the wall and started eating the banana.

“Bellamy, this is my daughter Clarke. Clarke, this is Bellamy. Since you insist on accompanying me to every appointment I have, I hired him to help keep you caught up with your schoolwork.”

_~Clarke~_

Clarke was so caught up in examining the hottie in her kitchen that she was hardly able to pay attention to her dad's words. “Wait, you hired him?” she asked after they finally hit her. Bellamy chuckled and she thought it might be the best sound she'd ever heard. “Dad, I'm perfectly capable of staying up to date with Raven's help, this is completely unnecessary.”  
  
“Honey, Raven has studies of her own she should focus on. Money doesn't matter to me when it comes to making sure you're getting the education you need,” he said sternly, and all the fight went out of her as she nodded.

“Okay. Well, it's nice to meet you—what was your name again?” she asked, turning back to face the hottie.

“Bellamy, Bellamy Blake,” he smiled, reaching out a hand that she took and almost dropped as the mark on her wrist suddenly blazed with a fire even more intense than when it had first appeared the previous year. Her shock must have shown on her face because he frowned and cocked his head to the side. “You alright?”

“Y—yeah,” she murmured, her eyes unable to leave his right wrist which was frustratingly covered by a long sleeve.

This set the precedent for their relationship; as the weeks turned into months and gradually into years and the pair became inseparable, she would always try to sneak a glimpse of his wrist but he always kept it covered. Any time they touched, Clarke's mark would burn and they touched so often that she became almost used to it after a time. She never could quite work up the courage to ask him about it, turning it into a question about Octavia or something else anytime she tried and lost her nerve at the last second.

Clarke absolutely adored the youngest Blake sibling and the feeling was certainly returned. Indeed, the Blakes quickly worked themselves so into the family that even when Jake was given a clean bill of health and Clarke had returned to school, no one said a word about letting Bellamy go and to his credit, he continued working closely with her and her grades soared as a result.

All in all, life had never been better.

For Clarke's eighteenth birthday, her art teacher had arranged for one of her pieces to be shown at a local gallery in the hopes of gaining her exposure. Clarke, naturally, was over the moon and had been badgering everyone in the household for months about making sure they'd be there. That morning, she kissed her dad goodbye and made him promise to come no matter how late.

After school, she came home and changed into a sophisticated dress, letting Octavia watch as she did her hair and make-up while peppering her with questions. Much to Bellamy's chagrin, she'd taught the young girl how to do her own make-up and even bought her a starter kit. Bellamy had tried to stop her from giving it to her and she smiled at the memory.

_Bursting into laughter, Clarke shook her head. “Are you serious right now, Bellamy Blake? Trust me, Octavia's already wearing make-up; she's just putting it on at school and taking it off before she gets home. Sharing make-up is gross and do you want her to grow up with the idea that sneaking around is okay or that you'll be reasonable about her decisions as long as they aren't hurting anything?”_  
  
He'd let her give the make-up to Octavia in the end and had later even admitted that she'd been right, much to her delight. Giggling at the memory as she finished up, she went to find Bellamy.

 

“Hey, princess,” he smiled warmly as he took in the sight of her. Clarke's hand darted to his wrist automatically; covered, as always. “You look gorgeous.”  
  
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she beamed at the compliment. “Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that?” she teased in an effort to distract herself.

 

“Yeah, doesn't mean I have to listen though,” he shot back with the smirk that made her want to say the hell with being careful with her heart and launching herself into his arms. “You almost ready to go?”  
  
“Ready when you are,” she smiled, linking her arm through his and ignoring the pain in her wrist. “Lead the way.”  
  
**~~~**

An hour into the show, Clarke frowned as she heard her phone ring and she excused herself to answer it. “Hello?” she asked with a smile as she saw Jake's name on the Caller ID.

“Hey, honey. Sorry, I'm running late and this storm is terrible. I might not make it. I'm so sorry.”  
  
Clarke could hear the sounds of the storm in the background and she frowned but was unable to help the disappointed sigh that escaped her lips. “You should just go home, Dad. I understand, really,” she urged, growing more concerned as the sounds intensified. “Sounds like you're headed right into it.”

“I am,” he laughed, but she could hear the nerves in it. “Make sure to note every detail for me so you can tell me all about it. I love you, Clarke, and I'm so sorry. Happy birthday, honey. I'm so proud of you.”  
  
“I love you too,” she told him. “Don't worry--”

Suddenly she heard Jake cry out and the sound of the horn blaring followed by glass shattering. Her dad screamed and suddenly the phone disconnected, a ball of dread forming in Clarke's stomach. “No, no, no,” she murmured, hitting redial and her stomach tightening even more when it went straight to voicemail. Her mind was racing faster than her heart; envisioning scenario after scenario, each more gruesome than the last and she felt like the room was spinning around her when she heard--

“Princess?”

“Something's wrong,” she cried desperately, turning to find Bellamy looking at her with obvious concern. “I have—I have to call the police. My dad was just in an accident while we were talking,” she told him, sounding eerily calm just before she burst into tears.

Bellamy gently took her phone and pulled her into his side, dialing 911 even as he led her to sit down on a nearby sofa. Quickly telling them there had been an accident and giving them the make, model and license plate number of Jake's car, he gave them a vague vicinity to look in and stayed on the line as he sat beside Clarke, pulling her securely into his side and kissing the side of her head gently.

“This is my fault,” she murmured, still feeling strangely calm yet hysterical in a way she couldn't express. “I begged him to come. He would've stayed at the office waiting for the storm to pass otherwise.”

 ~ _Bellamy~_

 Bellamy felt helpless to reassure Clarke as they sat there, doing all he could think of to physically comfort her as the time passed. He'd called Abby and she'd promised to call as soon as she knew anything. Unfortunately, he knew better than anyone the emotions twisting Clarke's insides up and he knew there was nothing he could say to help. He felt helpless and genuinely terrified. He and Jake had developed a friendship over the past year and he'd started to view him as a father figure almost. The thought of losing him was terrifying, but not as terrifying as the idea of what it could do to Clarke.

 When Abby finally called back, he knew instantly from the way she said her name that things weren't okay. He must have given it away somehow because Clarke let out a heart-wrenching wail and practically climbed into his lap, beating his chest with angry fists while sobbing into his neck. He agreed to bring her to the hospital and told Abby how sorry he was while trying to console Clarke.

The wildness of her rage and grief filled him and for the first time he realized there must be some truth to feeling the emotions of your soulmate because there was no escaping hers in that moment.

If you asked later, Bellamy would be hard pressed to tell you what happened over the next few weeks. He just remembered constantly having an armful of a heartbroken blonde who couldn't seem to find comfort anywhere else but in his arms, the sting on his wrist feeling like a mosquito bite next to the sharp edges of her grief that gnawed at his insides, resting beside his own.

Octavia had a hard time of it too, but she was a tough kid. Smart, too. She would often send him to Clarke even in the middle of her own tears because, as she put it, Clarke needed him more. He'd always go, often offering for her to come and sometimes she would but mostly she'd shake her head and give him a brave smile along with reassurances that she'd be fine.

_My sister, my responsibility._

_But Clarke..._  
  
He often felt torn between the two no matter how much each of them assured him they appreciated all he did for them. The mark on his skin was a constant reminder that he hadn't been honest with Clarke, not at all, and the fact that he'd been planning on telling her about it on her birthday meant nothing at all now.

Octavia often argued with him—she knew about the mark, had walked in on him examining it one day not long after they'd moved in and immediately knew it was _the_ Clarke. She'd kept quiet but often threatened to tell her if he didn't hurry his ass up and do it soon. He thought that it would be insensitive to thrust such information on her so soon after Jake's death but his little sister often would point out that it was a perfect time to give her happy news.

Bellamy wasn't so sure but he could never tell Octavia why without betraying Clarke's confidence.

It had been a few weeks after Jake's death and he had been holding Clarke on the back porch when she'd confessed in a whisper that she didn't know if she ever wanted to fall in love after seeing how much Jake's death had destroyed her mother. He'd been grateful she couldn't see his face because he knew he'd never be able to hide the pain in his eyes, but he remained silent and that was the main reason he continued covering up his mark, telling himself he could live with Clarke being a platonic soulmate no matter how much he knew it was bullshit.

_~Clarke_ ~

Clarke didn't know what she would have done without Bellamy's presence in the months following the death of her father. The depression she'd sunk into was like nothing she'd ever felt before, and more than once she'd considered just ending it all for good. But it was as if Bellamy could sense when she had those thoughts (and for all she knew, he could if he really was her soulmate) and he'd suddenly appear, pulling her into his arms and telling her exactly what she needed to hear every time.

Slowly, she began to put herself back together with the help of her makeshift family and a psychiatrist Abby had insisted she see. At first she'd refused to go, only relenting when Bellamy pleaded and promised he'd stay by her side if she wanted him to. Gradually, she'd started going on her own and she was improving, even though she knew she'd never be the happy carefree girl she'd been before.

She felt guilty for taking Bellamy away from his sister who was obviously struggling. Octavia had never had a father and she knew that Jake had filled that role for both of the Blake siblings so for the young girl it was like losing another parent so soon after her mother. She couldn't imagine her pain but Bellamy had assured her that she was a fighter and she'd be okay.

As she grew stronger, she made more of an effort to include Octavia in things, often finding the younger girl crying and pulling her into her arms as she cried with her. Bellamy would often find them like that, sighing sadly and embracing them from the opposite side of Octavia while their eyes met and they spoke wordlessly.

It was during one such moment that everything changed between them.

She'd come to ask Bellamy about going to the movies later, desperately wanting a distraction and she'd found Octavia hiding behind a chair. Her face was streaked with tears and she was whimpering softly, making Clarke's heart break as she sniffled and sat on the floor. Pulling her into her lap and hugging her fiercely, she began whispering soothing words into her ear.

Clarke almost didn't notice when Bellamy came into the room, only glancing up after she heard his sigh—and her heart stopped. He had obviously just gotten out of the shower as he was only wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, but that only held her attention for a second before her eyes automatically darted down to his wrist.

And there it was, just as she'd suspected for over a year. Her name was scrawled across his wrist in her own unmistakable messy cursive that led everyone to tease her that she should definitely be a doctor because she already had the handwriting for it.

Raising her eyes to his, she couldn't believe the sense of betrayal and sorrow that filled her but she couldn't abandon Octavia so instead she dropped her gaze back down and he disappeared back into the bathroom.

When he came back out, she was long gone.

~ _Bellamy~_

Bellamy was a damn fool.

He'd realized it the moment he felt Clarke's betrayal and anger fill him, her eyes boring into him with an accusation he had no defense for. He'd known she wanted to run but couldn't because she'd never do that to Octavia (and god, didn't that just make him love her even more) so he'd retreated, only coming back out after he heard the door shut.

Letting her have her space seemed like the right thing to do so it wasn't until the next evening when he went looking for her and Abby told him she'd gone to spend some time with a relative who lived out of state and she didn't know when she'd be back. He offered to leave, not feeling comfortable continuing to take a paycheck when he wasn't doing anything at all, but Abby almost pleaded with him not to, assuring him that he had more than earned his keep and would keep doing so just by not leaving her alone.

He did go out and get a job though. Working at the local bookstore was a perfect fit for him and it paid well enough for him to start refusing the checks from Abby. He started pitching in here and there, knowing she'd never let him start paying rent but also knowing she was struggling going from two paychecks to just one.

Three months later, he was coming home from work and walked into the house with the intentions of leaving a check on the table so Abby couldn't refuse it. He entered the kitchen and felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as he saw Clarke standing there, eating a banana just as she'd been the first time they'd met.

Her eyes widened a little when she saw him but she didn't say anything, staring him down as though daring him to speak.

And so he did. “Clarke, I'm so sorry,” he whispered, rolling his sleeve up and touching the mark. “When your name appeared, I was in the hospital watching my mother die. I was hardly able to think about it and then I met you. The first time we touched, I knew. But anytime it burned, it took me back to that hospital room and I was scared that if I admitted it, I'd always associate you with that memory. But then the craziest thing happened... I fell in love with you without even meaning to and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”  
  
“Then why didn't you tell me?” Clarke asked softly, but he could feel the wildness of her emotions betraying her; trepidation, fear, and just a tiny bit of hope.

“I was going to. My plan was to tell you on your birthday...” He swallowed hard and continued. “Afterwards, it always felt wrong. I didn't want it to be associated with grief or sadness for you any more than I had wanted it to be for me. But after you started healing, I don't have any excuse other than I was afraid. I wanted to tell you at the perfect moment but it never seemed to come.”  
  
~ _Clarke~_

Sighing as she finished off her banana and threw the peel away, she folded her arms across her chest and showed him her own mark. “I've suspected since we first met too. It was only an initial which is apparently really rare and means the person has an uncommon name and that we would share a connection that was stronger than usual. You ticked both boxes almost from the very first time we met,” she smiled sadly. “But you kept hiding your mark and I eventually gave up on hoping. It seemed like you were ashamed of it, or at least that's how I took it.” 

Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and held her arm up next to his, studying them intently. “You should have told me,” she said quietly. “I shouldn't have had to find out that way. I felt... so unwanted. I'd suspected you knew I was your soulmate and just didn't care for me enough to tell me from day one and then I see this? It was like all my suspicions were confirmed and it broke my heart, Bellamy.”

“I'm sorry,” he whispered brokenly, and she gently placed a finger over his lips.

“It doesn't matter anymore,” she whispered. “Hearing you tell me why... I get it, Bell, I do. It doesn't make it right but you know, I could have asked you too. Honestly, I'm almost glad it happened this way. I fell in love with you naturally, no pressure from these, and it took some time away to realize it but I forgave you almost immediately.”

“Clarke...” he whispered against her finger, and she smiled, taking it away and replacing it with her lips.

Oh, how she'd dreamed about kissing Bellamy Blake and how the reality outdistanced her best attempts. His lips were soft and warm, moving against hers as though they'd been made just for her, and she sighed happily as his arms slipped around her waist, his hands finding a place at the small of her back.

Neither of them noticed the teenager slip into the kitchen, perch her hands on her hips and smile triumphantly before sneaking back out.

As Clarke lost herself in the kiss, she smiled as she felt the mark on her wrist hum in a most pleasurable way and she knew that she'd finally found her way home.

~~FIN

 

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I have a hobby of googling prompts and after overdosing on plenty of marauders_groupie's incredible fics, I decided to check out some soulmate AU prompts and this one immediately spoke to me. I wrote like a madwoman and here's the result. 
> 
> Feedback and kudos are extremely welcome especially as this is only my second (published) foray into the fandom! (Seriously, I squee so much and they inspire me to keep writing and posting!)


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